Let's have Fun

        

          

BF-Main suna tu english me fail ho gayi?
GF-No Dear,who TELLED you?
BF-Bas main samaj gaya.

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On facebook:

BF-call me sweatheart.
GF-sweatheart.


BF-call me janu.
GF-janu.


BF-for god sake CALL ME .....u idiot.


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Height of literacy in Kerala

A beggar was crying.

A policeman asked  beggar

What’s matter?


Beggar-Matter is anything that occupy space and has mass.


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Girl status on FB "wo bewfa nikla"

Comments:

1.Dear wo apke layak nhi tha!!!

2.Tum kahan wo sala bandar kahan...

3.Humne to pehle hi kaha tha sabhi hamare jaise nahi hote

4.kabhi hume try karke dekho pata chal jayega bharosa kya cheez hain...

5.Jo hua achcha hua... dont worry sweetu...



Boy status on Fb "wo bewfa nikli"

comments:

1.Saale teri sakal hi gadhe jaisi h...

2.Ab tum jaise log bhi ladki pataoge...

3.Tere se kuch nahi hoga ab uska no. mujhe de de

4.Use teri namardgi ka pata chal gaya hoga

5.Bezzati kara di saale tune ladko ki, doob ke mar ja.


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Santa in interview-

Agar aapko 2 min. ke liye PM bana de to kya karoge?

Santa-Maggie banaunga.

Agar 2 saal ke liye bna de to ?

Santa-Nahi banungga.

Kyun? 

Santa-Itni maggi kaun khayega?



[*source Internet ]

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.



TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.



TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.



TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!



TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.



TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right.....  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'  



TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.



TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.



TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir.  It's the same dog.



TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher


[*source - Internet]

1 Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. 

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. 

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! 

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash also. 

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. 

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent. 

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. 

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it. 

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote. 

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. 

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. 

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me. 

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. 

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner. 

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them. 

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss. 

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books. 

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. 

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say   something 

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak! 

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life? 
Dr: Get married. 
Man: Will it help? 
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come. 

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins! 

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? 
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes. 

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. 

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it. 

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!


Feel free to add more in comments... :)
                                         

The Thrilling story of a Bus Conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still couldn't? Then see below.........

Think hard

C'mon .............

Tired....?

Wanna know the answer????

Ok........ here is the Answer............







During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!! :D :P











Src: Google

Man vs Woman

Hot Topic - Man vs Woman... :)

No doubt... But here we are not going to fight... But rather look at some facts on how their brains functions differently... (Disclaimer: This facts are collected from internet...) 

Well, I don't agree with all of them... But, there will always be at least some truth in everything and no matter how true something is, there will always be some exceptions... (Wow... I just made a great quote, did you see that? :D) 

Processing

Women - Multiple process Womens brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time . Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook the new recipe. 
Men - Single Process Mens brain designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch a TV and talk over the phone at the same time. He stops the TV while Talking. He can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

LANGUAGE

Women can easily learn many languages. Her brain sets up. But can not find the solutions to problems. Men can not easily learn languages; he can easily solve the problems.

3 year old gal has three times higher vocabulary than 3 year old boy.

ANALYTIC SKILL

Men's brain has lot of space for handling the analytic process. So easily he can analyze and find the solution for a process.

He can design (blue print) a map of a building easily.

If a complex map is viewed by women, she can not understand it. She can not understand the details of the map easily.

For her it is dump of lines in a paper.

CAR DRIVING

While driving a car, men's analytic spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fast. If he see an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and driving accordingly. Where as women take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. Her single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrating only on the driving.

You can often watch, while men driving the car fast, the women sit next to him will shout, GO SLOW , CARE FULL, AAHHH, OHH GOD..

..etc..

LIE    

Many times, when men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily.

Her super natural brain observes the facial expression 70%, and the body language 20% and the words coming from the mouth 10%. So he is easily caught while lieing.

Mens brain does not have this.

Women easily lie to men face to face.

So guys, While lying to your girls, use phone, or letter or close all the lights or cover your/her face with blanket.

Don't lie face to face. :P

PROBLEM

End of day, if men have lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts the problems in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If you disturb him, he gets irritated.

End of Day, if women have lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problem being solved or not.

WANTS  

Men want status, success, solutions, big process etc Women want relationship, friends, family etc

UNHAPPY

If women are unhappy with their relations, they can not concentrate on work.

If men unhappy with their work, they can not concentrate on the relations.

SPEECH   

Women use indirect languages in speech.

Geeta asked Vijay, vijay do you like to have a cup of coffee?

This means, Geeta wants a cup of coffee.   

In the morning.Darling, do you think, it will be good to have an Omllette for breakfast?.

Men use direct language. Geeta, I want to have a cup of coffee, Pls stop the car when you see a coffee shop.

In the morning.Darling, Can you please prepare an omllette for breakfast?. Always men and women think differently!

HANDLING EMOTION

Women talk a lot without thinking.

Men act a lot with out thinking.

That's why many of prisoners are men all over the world.

As someone said ->

LIFE IS CRAZY TAKE IT EASY!!

Hence I suggest ->

Kick the brain to mars,

Stay Happy,

and Be Healthy... :)

Funny Laws of Natural Probability

Some Funny but Natural Laws of Probability 

(*source Internet)

(Some things just happens... ;) :P)

1. Law of Mechanical Repair   -  After your hands become coated with

grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity  -  Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Probability  -  The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random  Numbers  -  If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law  -  If you change  lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath   -  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters  -  The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Result  -  When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Bio-mechanics   -  The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena  -  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the  performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law  -  As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers  -  If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces  - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical  Argument  -  Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance  -  If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking  -  A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy  -  As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors'  Law  -  If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.


Keep Smiling... Stay Stress Free... Bid The Brain Bye Bye :)

Krojoncho - FAQ

Q. Hi, I looked into the Dictionary for "Krojoncho"... but couldn't find... is it an English word ?
Ans. I'd like to say that it is a Global Word...

Q. So, which dictionary... ?
Ans. As far as my knowledge, this is the only source for any (and all) info on "Krojoncho"...


Q. Ok... then what does it mean anyway?
Ans. It doesn't mean anything... :P


Q. What? I am not getting what you are saying...
Ans. Ok listen then, I looked at the dictionary and I saw that every word has a meaning and many of them have more than one. I was surprised; does every word have to be shackled with a meaning? Can’t it be an Independent, Self Sufficient WORD only? I felt, the identity of a word should only be that, it is a WORD and a word should be proud of its WORDNESS… So I freed one from the burden of meaning, and I created “Krojoncho” …


Q. So, you mean you created this word?
Ans. Yes, I created one. .. A word that is not chained with a meaning…. A word that has no meaning, a word that exists for the sake of its existence only – A new word, A Free Word – “Krojoncho” …


Q. But you know, what they say, a word without meaning is incomplete, kind of like half-evolved...
Ans. Ok ok, if it matters so much to everyone, , I, hereby, am giving “Krojoncho” an OPTIONAL meaning, so that it doesn’t feel inferior to the other so called proud meaningful words. Whenever one does something in MJMAMK Style (that is for the sake of doing only, no reason, no thinking, just mindless…), that action can be termed as “Krojoncho”…


Q. "Optional meaning" ??? I don't get it... Whom are you giving this option to???
Ans. Yes, optional meaning, completely purely OPTIONAL... and whether to keep it or throw away, that full authority belongs to the Free Word “Krojoncho” only…


Q. Wow, great, but don't you think that's a little too much power for a word to have? I mean, what will happen if I am talking to someone and used the word "Krojoncho" and suddenly "Krojoncho" refuses to mean anything???
Ans. Yeah, that could be disastrous. But what to do? You'll have to learn living with it... Because it's a question of freedom, and everyone knows that you can't question the question of freedom... But if you want to talk about power, "Krojoncho" is much powerful a word than you can ever imagine. In fact, I would say "Krojoncho" is The Most Powerful word in the World of Words...


Q. Most Powerful Word??? "KROJONCHO" ??? How come???
Ans. The power of "Krojoncho" lies in the fact that, Since, it doesn’t have any designated meaning, it can mean anything, just anything it likes to mean… and that also implies, it can mean everything, everything that exists and everything doesn't even exist... got it?


Q. Yeah, for now... But what if further questions bubbles up my belly in future... ???
Ans. Well, you have the following options -
1. Comment them just below...
2. Post them in our Facebook Page          
3. Discuss them at our Facebook Group

Silly Questions people usually ask in Obvious Circumstances ….

Hi, here is a collection of some silly stupid questions that people ask in some obvious Circumstances ... I just collected them, and may be some of them are my experience but not my creation...

(*Disclaimer : This article is NOT created by me, but only served as a Funny Collection...)

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you’re marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout….it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I’m shedding…. …

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

10.. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it’s a miracle …….it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

[ - Source Internet ]

Please add your own experience in comments...

MJM(AMK) Anthem...

মজম -এর মূল সুর...

মগজ জ্বালায় বড়ো –

জ্বালাতন, জ্বালাতন,

শুধু ভেবে ভেবে মরো –

সারাক্ষণ, সারাক্ষণ,

মগজ উড়িয়া যাক –

মঙ্গলে, মঙ্গলে,

মানুষ মজায় থাক –

দঙ্গলে, জঙ্গলে...

যেদিকে দুচোখ যায় –

হেঁটে যাও, হেঁটে যাও,

যা-ই খেতে প্রাণ চায় –

চেটে খাও, চেটে খাও ...

সুযোগ পেলেই হাসো –

হেসে নাও, হেসে নাও,

সবাইকে ভালোবাসো –

বেসে যাও, বেসে যাও ...

 বোকে কান ঝালাপালা –

কোরে দাও, কোরে দাও,

গাছে ফল, পেটে জ্বালা –

চড়ে খাও, চড়ে খাও ...

এসো সবে গান গাই –

“ওলো সই, ওলো সই”,

নেচে ধরণী কাঁপাই –

“তাতা থই, তাতা থই” ...

শিক্ষা ছড়িয়ে দাও –

জনগণ, জনগণ,

আলোয় ভরিয়ে দাও –

প্রাণ ও মন, প্রাণ ও মন ...

আলস্য মিটে যাক –

কোরি শ্রম, কোরি শ্রম,

সকলে শান্তি পাক –

হরি ওম, হরি ওম..।। 

            - সুমন বারিক

Where The Mind is Without Stress

Theme of MJMAMK

Where the mind is without stress

And the brain has flown away to ‘Sky

Where every answer comes out of guess

And ‘thinking’ has bid us Good-Bye,- 

Where every work is done for fun

And need not aim at goal 

Where everyone is free to run

To wherever wants his soul… 

Where everyone loves everyone

No need to know who’s who – 

And if you’re living under the Sun

You’re my brother too… 

Where every uttered word is bliss 

Though, might be meaningless... 

And every raindrop is a kiss - 

Sent from Heaven’s grace…

                                    [... may be continued... ;) ]

- Suman Barick